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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million bucks is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged. One Texan turned to the other and said 'That little gal is havin‘ a bad time. I’m gonna go over there and help.' He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his BIG Texan hands and asked 'Kin ya swaller?' Gasping she shook her head 'No'. He asked 'Kin ya breathe?' Still gasping she again shook her head 'No'. With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ass. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said 'Ya‘ know it’s sure amazin‘ how that hind-lick maneuver always works!'

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we have the Parthenon'. Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, 'We have the Coliseum.' The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.' The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, 'But we built the Roman Empire.' And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'We invented sex!' The Italian replies, 'That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.'

This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!" The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like crazy out there and I'm naked!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running marathon," so he started to run along beside the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm. One of the runners asked, "Do you always run in the nude?" He answered, while gasping for breath, "Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I'm running." Another runner then asked the nude lover, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" The naked lover answered breathlessly, "Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!" The marathon runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" The nude man answered, "Only if it's raining..."

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